20 Things Not To Do This Holiday Season

(A quick list)

Gold ornament

1. Invite hipsters to an ugly sweater party

   (They won’t know how to look for their own kind)

2. Drunk giftwrap your family’s Christmas presents

   (They will know)

3. Invest in “adorable” holiday decorations that you see at Target

   (You will never actually put them up)

4. Put that Mariah Carey song on repeat

   (Some people (AHEM your author) actually don’t like it and if they hear it one more time they might soon be driven to a murderous rage)

5. Buy a super-expensive present for someone you’ve been dating for less than a year

   (It’s weird)

6. Break up with someone

   (Come on.)

7. Get guilted into participating in gift exchanges you don’t want to be a part of

   (You will buy something stupid like a candle and everyone will hate you anyway)

8. Stress about getting “the perfect gift”

   (Does not exist)

9. Spend more time Pinning your holiday than having a holiday

   (Your 150 followers won’t miss you)

10. Attempt to explain to your mom why you aren’t dating that boy anymore after having several glasses of wine

   (You will get the story wrong four times and she will end up on his side)

11. Bitch about having to travel long distances to see family

   (At least you have one to see)

12. Be bitter toward your friends in relationships if you’re single

   (It’s not their fault)

13. Be pushy toward your single friends if you’re in a relationship

   (They don’t need your “help”)

14. Date someone in the spirit of charity

   (Actually don’t do this ever)

15. Think you are too old/cool for Charlie Brown Christmas

   (That movie rocks and you know it)

16. Hold onto grudges

   (Tell that boy you’re sorry, tell that girl you still want to be with her)

17. Forget that snow can actually be fun and isn’t just something to complain about

   (Snowball fights, HELLO)

18. Buy every food flavored with gingerbread or eggnog simply because it says “limited time only”

   (Eggnog candy corn exists and it shouldn’t)

19. Accidentally set your Christmas tree on fire

   (This happens, ok? OK?!)

20. Purposely set your Christmas tree on fire

   (Who are you?)

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