austin

bad feelings club

here they come gnawing

relentless

impervious to threats and kicks to the throat

under stale skies

clouds (finally)

but even they’re dried up

what a mess.

less than zero is?

who fucking knows or cares

smells like maple syrup and shawarma on this side of town

don’t mind.

kind of like it.

miss home though.

amaranth by the pound

or was it teff?

can’t recall

wonder if you’re taking care of the skyline like I asked

probably not

got things of your own I’m sure

saw a picture of some trees you took from below

wasn’t that great of a shot but

maybe you were happy when you took it?

not me though

not even

the power of my own thighs can cheer me tonight

maybe if I pedal hard enough

I will take flight

or

option two (just as good)

my tire will clip a rock and I’ll be thrown from the planet

into the night/onto cement

where all the blood trapped for 20 odd years

will rush to the wound

(an escape!)

and I’ll be left quiet and waiting for someone to notice me

in death as in life

and the local authorities will find my phone with this poem on it

and my grocery list

(cashews, eggs, “good” cheese)

and texts I should have taken care

to delete oh well

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cool looking stick

six blighted trees all in a row

tangled

mess

on the weekends I like to lie

in bed with your absence

rubbing

out the knots in my neck

checking

to see if you’ve appeared

but

still

no

I’m restless

and not doing anything about it

imagining horrible things

cutting

the pieces of rope that hold my eyeballs in their sockets

dropping

them into a jar

better now, better now

belmont avenue east

sun leaping from the planes of your face

no coat

talking at the viaduct

first warm day of the year

darling

what did you say?

I’m drifting somewhere pull me back in

I’ve been alone so long I

forgot the sound of my own voice

black and white tile I’ve cleaned

over

and

over

fermenting things for no one

writing things for no one

while I think of you smiling across the table

at someone else

miles and miles from here

I go to the grocery store

for something to do

I read in a different chair

for something to do

a bad time!

but I won’t drink alone

on principle?

I want to tie sheets to the balcony while I

cling

to the bare mattress

but it’s fucking raining again

I didn’t understand what you meant when you said

you feared the dusk