fiction

bad feelings club

here they come gnawing

relentless

impervious to threats and kicks to the throat

under stale skies

clouds (finally)

but even they’re dried up

what a mess.

less than zero is?

who fucking knows or cares

smells like maple syrup and shawarma on this side of town

don’t mind.

kind of like it.

miss home though.

amaranth by the pound

or was it teff?

can’t recall

wonder if you’re taking care of the skyline like I asked

probably not

got things of your own I’m sure

saw a picture of some trees you took from below

wasn’t that great of a shot but

maybe you were happy when you took it?

not me though

not even

the power of my own thighs can cheer me tonight

maybe if I pedal hard enough

I will take flight

or

option two (just as good)

my tire will clip a rock and I’ll be thrown from the planet

into the night/onto cement

where all the blood trapped for 20 odd years

will rush to the wound

(an escape!)

and I’ll be left quiet and waiting for someone to notice me

in death as in life

and the local authorities will find my phone with this poem on it

and my grocery list

(cashews, eggs, “good” cheese)

and texts I should have taken care

to delete oh well

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lavanderia

dusty séances on the

bedroom floor

crayons and candles

let me

ride on the back

I’m so cold I’m so warm

I’m

reaching expert level self-sabotage

I was happy, happy

with my fingers like tendrils of

summer vegetables wrapping around

your sternum popping at the core

of all the stairwells I remember

yours

had the most stray letters

on the windowsill and

the door was marked with a name

long departed

the day was

breaking, breaking

gray and orange while I lay

still and felt nothing