heartbreak

year long one night stand

I needed

strawberries in the winter

prisms of sun on the mattress

after you left

me in your space hungover

craving greens

blinds dirty and broken

you hung

a tapestry instead

hard wind riding down Division

hard wind turning left

we used to ball our fists

inside our gloves, remember?

but none survived

none survived

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rice milk

carried myself, both wheels

upstairs to foggy purple

and slept on palo santo

never! were my dreams quieter

softer

but growing colder

we were only there for the two dollar wells

I guess

Vanessa Carlton is playing next door?

you were unhappy

and I

was trying to be happy for both of us

it wasn’t working

things were

crashing

and Shen Yun is coming to town again

right on schedule

we were best right upon

waking before egos descended

I remember

psychedelics on lakesides

so so far away

 

lavanderia

dusty séances on the

bedroom floor

crayons and candles

let me

ride on the back

I’m so cold I’m so warm

I’m

reaching expert level self-sabotage

I was happy, happy

with my fingers like tendrils of

summer vegetables wrapping around

your sternum popping at the core

of all the stairwells I remember

yours

had the most stray letters

on the windowsill and

the door was marked with a name

long departed

the day was

breaking, breaking

gray and orange while I lay

still and felt nothing