leaving

least horrible time of day

white fences

turn my stomach and send me

heaving

into the garden gasping

for something

cold

and

metallic

covered in dirt

I realize

we’ll never stay together

for the

children

 

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lavanderia

dusty séances on the

bedroom floor

crayons and candles

let me

ride on the back

I’m so cold I’m so warm

I’m

reaching expert level self-sabotage

I was happy, happy

with my fingers like tendrils of

summer vegetables wrapping around

your sternum popping at the core

of all the stairwells I remember

yours

had the most stray letters

on the windowsill and

the door was marked with a name

long departed

the day was

breaking, breaking

gray and orange while I lay

still and felt nothing

last train

 

taking

walks holding

hands shaking

cold

under tents of dark it’s ok

we

don’t know anyone here

only

sidewalks

stretching out to places we wish we were

corners

of other worlds where

we are not what we are

but until then—-stay

while the last train leaves

whirring

above our heads

barreling on

to fields of stars

walking home

alone now I’m

thinking of things bursting apart