did I summon you?
with these sounds I thought were only mine?
floating
rising
in the dark of my room
pinching back the present
to let ancient waters flow through
and in the morning
you arrived!
(in a small, small way)
without me knowing I wanted you
had called you
had been waiting all this time
and the crest recedes as I reach for the note
where you ask me
(as you have countless times before)
how many shades of blue I can see before 9 am
here they come gnawing
relentless
impervious to threats and kicks to the throat
under stale skies
clouds (finally)
but even they’re dried up
what a mess.
less than zero is?
who fucking knows or cares
smells like maple syrup and shawarma on this side of town
don’t mind.
kind of like it.
miss home though.
amaranth by the pound
or was it teff?
can’t recall
wonder if you’re taking care of the skyline like I asked
probably not
got things of your own I’m sure
saw a picture of some trees you took from below
wasn’t that great of a shot but
maybe you were happy when you took it?
not me though
not even
the power of my own thighs can cheer me tonight
maybe if I pedal hard enough
I will take flight
or
option two (just as good)
my tire will clip a rock and I’ll be thrown from the planet
into the night/onto cement
where all the blood trapped for 20 odd years
will rush to the wound
(an escape!)
and I’ll be left quiet and waiting for someone to notice me
in death as in life
and the local authorities will find my phone with this poem on it
and my grocery list
(cashews, eggs, “good” cheese)
and texts I should have taken care
to delete oh well
six blighted trees all in a row
tangled
mess
on the weekends I like to lie
in bed with your absence
rubbing
out the knots in my neck
checking
to see if you’ve appeared
but
still
no
I’m restless
and not doing anything about it
imagining horrible things
cutting
the pieces of rope that hold my eyeballs in their sockets
dropping
them into a jar
better now, better now
